The Great Kitchen Heist
by UnlimitedHeart
Summary: What happens when someone messes with Sasha's legendary food stash?
1. Chapter 1

_A comedy using my OC Jona Fairling, enjoy. :)_

**Chapter 1 – A Task from the Unexpected **

No one touched the stash, absolutely no one.

The only individual given permission to behold the stash of epic proportions was the very girl who made it. This girl, Sasha Braus to be exact, cherished her life's work with all her heart, building the cache larger everyday.

The hoarding took place within her wardrobe, a place meant for her uniform and casual attire. This was soon taken over by her mounds of delicious food she "borrowed" from the Scout Regiment HQ kitchen. Her friends and her had only resided there for a week or two, and she decided to make it known that she was a true glutton around the second day. What scared her new superiors most was her slim figure and small size being capable of consuming massive amounts of meals in one sitting, but they would soon grow accustomed to the spectacle.

The atmosphere around the headquarters was seemingly positive as everyone gathered in the dining hall for dinner. The day had dragged on longer than anyone would have liked, especially when they were out training in the scorching hot sun. Dinner signified downtime where no labor had to be endured, so it was understandable why it was the groups' favorite part of the day.

Captain Levi and his squad chatted normally while steaming cups of tea and bread sat on the table in front of them. Next to their table sat Eren, Armin, Mikasa and Jona, who were discussing lands of frozen water and vast "oceans" outside of their puny land. Across from them sat Sasha, Connie, Krista, Ymir, and Jean who were all suffering the wrath of Sasha's hunger. Long days of training left her starving, and she had no problem begging for other scouts' meals if it tamed the rabid animal she called her stomach.

"Do you seriously have any dignity?" Ymir asked coldly as she munched on her loaf of bread.

"Not when it comes to things like precious food! How are none of you still hungry?!" Sasha pouted as she picked at the crumbs left behind from her potato. "I can't take this any longer!"

The scouts looked up startled as Braus shot up from her seat and sprinted through the double doors to the living quarters. An awkward silence followed after the echo of her loud footsteps, no one moving a muscle as their eyes focused on the hallway. Jean was the first to speak up after what seemed like an eternity.

"Might want to go check on your girlfriend Connie," he said with a smirk.

"She's not my—fine…" he mumbled as he rose from his seat and trudged through the doorway.

Connie took one last look behind him, as if saying farewell to his comrades. He knew he was in for a crazy ride, Sasha was practically insane. The hallway seemed to stretch on endlessly as he made his way to her room, making the walk even more daunting. As he neared her door, a bloodcurdling screech sounded through the walls, shaking every picture hanging in the hallway. Panicked, he rushed though her doorway only to be met with a pair of hands wrapping around his throat, sending his world spinning to the ground.

The scream and loud thud had been heard by the scouts all the way in the dining hall, sending a slight shutter through them all.

"Fairling, go see what's happening, and don't get yourself killed," Levi commanded flatly.

Jona sighed deeply, not prepared to deal with this stupidity. "Sure thing," he said dully.

Rising from his seat, the oriental broke into a light jog up the hallway, his steps as silent as always. He knew he would regret agreeing to this suicide mission, and he resented Levi for forcing him to do this chore. If there was anything he learned from training with his squad for so long, it was to never interact with Sasha during one of her freak outs. He was already sure Connie had remembered that the hard way.

As he approached her room, he could clearly hear Connie screaming for help and Sasha squealing something he couldn't make out. He sighed once more, yeah, this wouldn't be fun.

"PLEASE DEAR GOD HELP ME SOMEONE!" the helpless boy pleaded.

"I WILL FIND OUT WHO TOUCHED MY STASH AND I WILL MURDER THEM WITH THEIR OWN FINGERS!" the crazed female screamed.

He walked in to find the maniac on top of Connie attempting to claw his eyes out, a murderous expression on her face. On normal circumstances, this would have made for some great gossip, but Jona wasn't one for rumors. And…well…he was pretty sure Sasha wasn't pinning him down for romantic reasons.

He quickly ran over to her and wrenched her off of the petrified boy, keeping her lifted in the air to prevent any further damage to his pride. She kicked and thrashed wildly while…wait…was she giggling?!

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Why are you laughing?!" Jona questioned, horrified. Her scowl had quickly turned into a toothy grin and she snorted through evil cackles.

"BECAUSE! I have an idea, and it involves you two!" she mused through giggles. She heaved breathes of air while sweat ran down her face, her hair a tangled mess. She truly looked terrifying and Jona and Connie's eyes widened with fear. They both knew they weren't going to enjoy this.

Back at the dining hall, the scouts and elites grouped up in two tables facing the corridor. The awful thuds and crashes had subsided, and an eerie silence followed. They sat quietly waiting for something to happen, unsure of what occurred.

"Maybe she killed them," Eren said.

"Don't be stupid Eren, she's crazy, but I doubt she would actually do that…right?" Armin questioned halfheartedly.

"She belongs in a mental institution, along with four-eyes and her stupid titan fetish," Levi stated, referring to the nutcase Hanji.

"It isn't a fetish! It is a legitimate study!" the hurt scientist exclaimed.

Their comments suddenly died down when three figures emerged from the end of the hall. Sasha skipped happily through the door, a bright smile on her rather psychotic looking face. Following her were Jona and Connie trudging behind at a slow pace, dark expressions covering their features.

"What happened?" Mikasa asked after studying the two silent males.

"Oh nothing! I just had really bad hunger pains, and they both helped me through it!" Sasha cheered happily, staring at the two boys.

Avoiding her gaze, they both nodded rapidly while staring at the ground. Levi glared at them, his grey eyes piercing through their bodies like daggers.

"Frankly I don't give a shit why you two are acting so funny, but you better snap out of it. Now everyone off to bed, we have another long day tomorrow," he announced. The group dispersed after giving the pair one last confused look. Jona and Connie franticly tried to blend in with the crowd, but were immediately snagged by the ear by the maniac herself.

"Since we have a little time now, I can discuss your first targets to kidnap," she said, a creepy grin spreading across her cheeks. "Connie, your first target to bring down here, _quietly,_ will be Armin. He should be pretty easy since he lacks your physical strength, so just get him while his back is turned or something…just keep it quiet!"

"Y-Yes ma'am," Connie stuttered.

"Jona, I've decided to assign you a tougher opponent since you are a lot bigger. Your target is Mikasa, she'll probably be a little more annoying to get. Just use your weird ass quietness and snag her while she isn't looking," Sasha squawked joyously.

"This is absurd, even if we do capture them, who says they'll even cooperate when we get them here?" Jona questioned stiffly.

"NO MORE QUESTIONS, OFF WITH YOU!" Sasha bellowed, spooking both boys.

Jona sighed, how was he even supposed to do this quietly? Knock her out? This was stupid, he couldn't believe he was being forced to do this…by Sasha! Of all people! He wasn't one for violence, especially something so ridiculous like this.

As they walked quietly up the hallway, they both decided that the only way to do this was by stealth, meaning their captors couldn't know who they were. They would need to hide their faces and make sure not a single feature was given away. They didn't think their captors would appreciate knowing who was kidnapping them, let alone forgive them.

This was going to be a long night…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – Silent Footsteps **

Armin had been given the task of writing field reports for almost everything the Scout Regiment did. He wasn't complaining, he loved writing, but three quarters of the time it was just training he logged. The only other events he kept on schedule were cleaning days which occurred every Sunday, much to Captain Levi's clean freak enjoyment.

His hand ached slightly from writing all day. Although training seemed like a basic topic, he was told to go into as much detail as possible, and…well…it was Armin. Anything involving writing or strategizing was his specialty, Commander Erwin knew this and never doubted it. He managed to zone out everything in his environment when he was focused, prioritized with his task at hand.

_Perfect._

Connie poked his head into the open crack of the doorway which Armin neglected to close. _Hm, convenient, _he thought to himself as he pressed his hand lightly to door. Being as silent as possible, he snaked his way into the room, making only a few floorboards creek along the way. He made sure to remove his knee-high boots but kept his socks on, allowing him to slide across the polished floor less clumsily. Pushing up his facemask, he prepared to strike at the unsuspecting boy.

A single bead of sweat formed on Armin's forehead from concentration, which glistened from the lone candle in his pitch black room. He was determined to finish this within the hour, giving him the rest of the night to get a good amount of sleep. He dozed off slightly, his eyelids suddenly feeling heavy. Only when an arm wrapped around his neck and a black gloved hand covered his mouth did he shoot awake. Panic rose inside him quickly as he felt darkness begin to overtake him, he was going unconscious. He kicked wildly, but soon lost his strength and went limp, his eyes closed but he still breathed steadily.

_Well that was a lot easier than I though, you really need to work out more Armin, _Connie thought as he inched his way out of the room. Sasha's plan had worked perfectly while everyone was asleep, so he was able to bring the poor Arlert to her without trouble. The hunger crazed female simply nodded and continued to wait for Jona to complete his task.

…

Jona spent his entire walk grumbling about how much his luck sucked that he never bothered to form a plan in his head. He was pretty sure Mikasa would be passed out by now, but he figured she was light sleeper. Connie had mentioned knocking Armin out, so why couldn't he?

He arrived at her room and ever so slightly turned the doorknob. It opened rather smoothly much to his relief, but he failed to realize how much of a mess her room actually was. He left the door open a smidgen and turned quietly, only to trip on her boots in the middle of the floor. His knee hit the ground with a _thud_ and his left hand banged against her nightstand.

_Oh Lord._

Mikasa's eyes fluttered open to see a dark figure squirming on the ground, scrambling to rise. She sat up instantly and flung the bed sheets off of her body in one quick motion, jumping off of the mattress and onto the floor.

_Jesus._

Jona rose halfway back up only to be bombarded with a barrage of punches to his ribs and a swift kick to the back of his knee. He stumbled back to her wardrobe, attempting to regain his balance.

_God please no. _

He looked up to see her swing a fist at his nose, but he was quicker than her this time. He was more awake, more aware and more adjusted to the darkness. He titled his body to avoid the punch and retaliated by landing a brutal chop down on her neck's pressure point, perks of training in the martial arts. She immediately tipped backward, all muscles in her body locked, but was successfully caught by her attacker. Her eyes widened when she snagged a glance at the intruder's face, recognizing him almost instantly.

_Damn it all to hell! Why did I have to forget my facemask, now she's definitely gonna be pissed!_

Trying to be as gentle as possible, he covered her mouth with his gloved hand, thank goodness he at least remembered those, and wrapped an arm around her neck. In no time, her eyes rolled back in her head but she still breathed softly. "Sorry," he muttered to her unconscious figure as he tiptoed out of the room. He heaved a sigh of relief when he found no one had heard the ruckus they created, and he silently made his way back to the dining hall.

When he arrived, Sasha's eyes lit up and she clapped rapidly, beaming at the two "sleeping" scouts in front of her.

"Great job! Now we need to capture Eren and Jean and we'll be set," she stated gleefully.

"What about Levi and his squad?" Connie asked.

"I doubt they'd be willing to help us," Jona replied knowingly. "But Sasha…I suggest one of us two stay behind incase Armin or Mikasa wakes up. I don't think you'd be able to handle her, she didn't seem exactly happy when I barged into her room."

"Hmmmm…you make a good point boy. But I don't think Mikasa will hurt me if she doesn't know I'm the head of this operation," Sasha leaned forward with a sadistic smile. "Besides, Connie is too small for Jean so I doubt he'd be able to knock him out. You both go, Connie gets Eren and you get horseface, I'll handle the two sleeping beauties."

With that, the two henchmen stalked out of the hall, planning out their next strike. Connie figured he would need to knock Jaeger out quickly or he would put up a good fight if he woke up. Jona concluded that horseface was an easy target as he slept like a rock, but he would need to be more careful of his surroundings. Before they reached the targets' rooms, Connie suddenly hatched a plan from his practically empty bald head.

"Wait…why don't we work together on this?" he asked Jona.

"What do you mean."

"I _mean_, if you knock out both of them then carry them out to me, I can deliver the packages," he snorted at the last part.

"You just don't want to do the hard work baldy, no way," Jona responded coldly.

"_Actually,_ carrying their bodies is a lot harder for your information, but you can still knock em' out faster!" Connie tried his best to whisper loudly in annoyance.

Both boys were arguing back and forth that they didn't notice the fuming girl running straight toward them, a broom stick in her hand.

"You know what dickhead? Just do it and it'll get done fast—Jona look out!" Connie screeched more loudly than he would have liked.

Jona turned only to feel the end of the broom stick smack across the side of his skull. His sight turned hazy and his ear burned like the pits of hell, but he remained on his feet, already taking a guess at who his assaulter was. Sensing a second attack was imminent, he instinctively ducked, barely missing a swing that would have made contact with his temple. Pivoting on the ball of his foot, he turned swiftly and shot his hand toward the back of the attacker's neck.

"Please don't hate me after this Mikasa," Jona pleaded before making contact with yet another pressure point.

"You asshole…" was all she squeaked before her world went dark. She tumbled to the ground with a low _bang_, vibrating the floor and walls.

"Never heard her say that before, pfft," Connie stated through a cackle. "What do you think happened to Sasha?"

"Hope she got her ass handed to her if Mikasa knew," Jona replied blankly.

He bent down to pick up the unconscious girl, only to stand straight up in alert at the fumbling of Eren's doorknob. The average heighted boy stumbled through the door like a drunken zombie, using the wall for support and adjusting his eyes. He had woken up from the noise, not good!

Without thinking, Jona launched a punch at the half asleep boy's nose, knocking him flat out cold.

"DAMN! Two in one! Now we just gotta get horseface and we're home free!" Connie cheered, keeping a low tone. "Glad he sleeps like a lump on a log, you'll get him easily!"

"You mean _you,_" Jona smirked as he hoisted Mikasa over his shoulder.

"W-What?!"

"I've done my half, now you need to finish yours."

"But Jean is bigger than me!"

"And is a heavy sleeper, you'll be okay."

With that, Jona turned and strutted down the hallway, both Eren and Mikasa on each shoulder. Connie gulped and turned toward Jean's room, opening the door without even bothering to be quiet, he knew horseface wouldn't stir. Steeling himself, he found the heaviest object he could find, in this case a lamp, and gripped it tight. Without faltering, he swung down and landed a clean hit on Jean's forehead. He waited several seconds for the boy to wake up, but nothing happened. Connie sighed in relief while taking horseface's hand and dragging him out of the bed, using his thigh to catch his body to prevent noise. _I feel like I just committed a murder_, he thought as he dragged the unconscious body out into the hall.

When he arrived he found Jona standing beside Sasha as she took in the success of her master plan. She giggled softly, her eyes wide with triumph. "It is done," she stated. "Connie, close and lock the doors, now is the most important part of this scheme."

"Convincing," Connie stated like he read her mind.

"Precisely, I hope you two aren't tired…this may take a while."

They both sighed deeply.


	3. Chapter 3

_I am so sorry for the incredibly long wait for Chapter 3, school and art have kept me busy for a while now. I hope you enjoy!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Hidden Secret of the Dark Basement<strong>

"LET ME GO YOU PHYSCOTIC LITTLE SHIT," Mikasa seethed through clenched teeth, her eyes darting back and forth between Eren and Sasha.

"Stop eyeing your precious Eren, he'll be fine. We have more important matters to attend to, which is why we gathered you all here," Sasha replied happily.

"For the record Mikasa, we were forced to do this, please don't hate us," Jona mumbled, ashamed of himself.

"Don't even try that shit right now, you let Sasha subdue you?! I thought you two were men!" she scolded.

"I can vouch for them, sorta," Jean piped in, a red circle on his forehead. "I mean, someone caught in Sasha's food rage can't really say no…"

"So you're going to help her after her baldy bitch hit you with a lamp?! I can't believe this…"

"SO IT'S A YES! Wonderful," Sasha beamed. "Someone wake up Arlert, I need to explain the plan, we're running out of time."

Out of the 4 captors, Armin remained the only one unconscious. Eren, Jean and Mikasa all woke shortly after they were carried into the dining hall. Both Jean and Eren were half asleep, there minds fuzzy and not alert enough to escape. Mikasa on the other hand shot awake a second time ready to fight, but was subdued by her hands tied to a table. Unlike the first time, she knew full well who was at the head of this operation and couldn't believe she'd been fooled by Braus. It took several minutes of explaining to get her to calm down, but through that time all she could think about was Eren's safety.

Unlike her though, Eren had no clue what was happening. All he knew was that his nose stung and his head throbbed, made even worse by the bombardment of unanswered questions filling his mind. By now, his eyes were awake, but the rest of him was not.

Jean was more aware than Eren, but his mind was still foggy. His forehead beat with an intense pain, distracting him from the current situation.

After several "soft" slaps to the face, Armin's eyes snapped open. He whimpered slightly from his stinging cheek, but stiffened when he met his surroundings. Like the three other captors, he was sat upright on the floor facing Sasha and her cronies, like kids sitting for story time. His body tensed slightly as he didn't dare move, unsure of Sasha's motives. The sadistic smile on her face told him that he wasn't going to like whatever it was she had planned.

"What's the meaning of this…?" he questioned carefully.

"You're awake! Fantastic! Now I can explain the kitchen heist to all of you!" Sasha answered happily.

"What the fuck are you on about, and where are the others." Eren asked, finally aware of the situation.

"I decided to leave them all out of this, you four are the best choices for this job. We can finish this quickly if you all just cooperate."

Jona tapped his foot impatiently, his arms folded over his chest. "Can we just get this over with, I'm tired and frankly still in the dark about whatever you're planning too."

"Don't worry, my little prodigy, you shall know in due time," Sasha cackled creepily.

"I'm not your prodi—"

"NO MORE TALKING! Gather round the table all of you, I shall now explain my intentions."

The 7 scouts took their seats, Sasha at the head of the table.

The plan was devious and rather brilliant in its own goofy kind of way. Sasha explained everyone's roles in great detail. Eren, Jean and Mikasa would keep watch from different points in the headquarters while the preparations were still in progress. If one spotted trouble, they would relay a knock on the wall to each other, eventually reaching Jean who will be stationed at the dining hall entryway. Armin would stay with Sasha to plan there "attack" (whatever that meant) and what they would do afterward. Finally, Jona and Connie were once again the pack mules of this preparation, ordered to fetch the supplies needed for the heist.

"What supplies do we even need for this besides a bag for your stupid food?" Jona asked questioningly.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, just go down to the basement and find a crate marked with red spray paint. It is essential to the grand scheme," Sasha giggled.

"I'm not even wearing pan—"

"NO MORE TALKING! OFF WITH YOU TWO," she bellowed, silencing Jona's protests.

They quietly slipped through the entryway, alerting Jean of their presence. The two cronies then proceeded down the hall to the basement door. The hallway was nearly pitch black, aside from one lone candle hanging on the wall. The basement was definitely not on Jona or Connie's list of places they wanted to be. It was dark, creaky and unsettling, made worse by the haunting ghost story that took place down there.

According to Auruo, a crazed member of the Scout Regiment executed herself in the basement years ago after losing hope in humanity. He exclaimed that no one but Levi and Hange were able to go down there without being stalked by the very ghost herself. That story was more than enough to keep the fresh scouts out of there, until now.

"Why do we have to go into the basement, I really don't think it's a good idea," Connie piped up nervously.

"You don't really believe that story Auruo told us do you?" Jona replied annoyed.

"No, but…but what if it's true? What if the ghost lady shows up to forever taint our dreams and solitude?!"

"I think that's a little over the top man. We have a flashlight, just stick by each other and well get out of there fast."

The pair approached the basement door and twisted the doorknob, swinging it open as quietly as possible. The stairs leading down seemed to go nowhere, the basement covered in darkness. Connie fumbled with the flashlight and flicked it on to reveal more stairs than before, but still blackness. Jona slowly dropped his foot onto the first step, carefully putting his weight down to test the noise. The step gave a slight moan in protest of the heaviness, sending a shiver up his spine. Taking a deep breath, he began to sidestep down the narrow stairs, Connie following close behind.

When they reached the bottom, Connie gave a quick sweep of the room with the little light they had. Dusty shelves sat up against the moldy walls, unnamed boxes littering the floor. A rat skittered across their feet at the sudden beam of light ripping through the dark. The beam revealed dust particles drifting silently through the musty air, as well as a small pool of water forming from a leak in the concrete ceiling.

"We're seriously going to contract some sort of disease down here, do they ever clean this place?" Connie asked as he covered his mouth with his free arm.

"I doubt it," Jona replied. "These crates don't look like they've been touched in years, I don't even want to know what are in them."

"I want to know but I'm really pissing myself right now, lets just get the thing we need and get out of here."

Most, if not all of the boxes and crates looked the same. Jona figured that it wouldn't be too hard to find the one they needed. He guessed it would be covered in the red paint, or at least have enough on it to differentiate it from the others.

Connie kept the flashlight pinned on the shelves that Jona was inspecting. He wanted to hightail it up the stairs as fast as possible, but he knew Jona would never let him live it down. The basement was freezing cold and smelled of expired milk, but he steeled himself and pushed his nerves down to the pit of his stomach.

"Found it," Jona whispered triumphantly.

"Great, can you carry it by yourself?" Connie asked.

Jona shrugged, then turned his attention back to the long crate marked with a red stripe. He carefully slid it off the middle shelf and caught it with his knee…or tried to. The weight of the crate forced his leg to buckle, and it went crashing to the floor with a echoing _bang. _

"Holy shit, that's heavy as hell," Jona sighed as he rubbed his scratched knee cap.

"Guess we'll both have to carry it, I'll keep the flashlight tucked under my arm," Connie replied.

The two positioned themselves on either side of the crate. Digging their fingers into the crevice of the lid, they hoisted it up and quickly slid their hands down to the bottom. Clanging could be heard from within as the mysterious cargo tumbled around. Whatever was in there, it sure was heavy.

"Alright, now we just—" Connie stiffened as he felt his neck hair shoot straight up. A soft breath every few seconds made his skin tingle. It was ice cold, like someone left a window open in a snow storm. The now petrified boy snuck a glance at Jona only to find his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. A soft glow lit his features, but it wasn't from the flashlight. Ever so slowly, Connie swallowed his fear and turned to face what had spooked Jona.

"Hello Connie, Jona," the glowing, transparent woman spoke with a grin.

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><p><em>I decided to add a goofy twist to this already goofy story! I promise the next chapter will not be a month away, a week max. Once again I am terribly sorry for my hiatus, but school and testing has been very brutal so far.<em>

_Until next time!_

_- UnlimitedHeart _


	4. Chapter 4

_I am seriously the worst promise keeper ever. It's been like a month again since I've last updated again, jeez. I really am sorry guys, school had been hounding me for work and midterms just came up so I haven't had any time to type this. This story is wrapping up though, and it is getting good feedback so thank you!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – Intimidation <strong>

Jona's mind was flooded with deep thought provoking questions. Who the hell was the girl in front of him, and why could he see right through her? Most importantly, how did she know their names? He couldn't recognize her as any of his fellow scouts, so this obviously wasn't some cruel prank. Nervousness crept up from the pit of his stomach, distorting his usual calm facial expression. The shocked silence that hung in the air was soon interrupted by the wail of the terrified boy in front of him

"AHHHHHHHHmphf!" Connie's scream was muffled by a hand clamped over his mouth. The scream seemed to surprise the ghost girl slightly, but she soon returned to her mocking grin.

"Awww did I scare you guys?" she pouted. "Honestly, you two gave me quite the jump when you showed up in my room."

Jona tried to keep his composure, but he was freaking out at the current predicament. His hand was still clamped down on Connie's mouth, stopping him from alerting the entire HQ of their presence. It grew more hesitant though, as he was unsure whether or not this girl was friendly or not. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if the entire regiment stormed the basement to save them…

"I'm not here to kill you or anything," she said as if she read his mind. "You can call me Maya if you would like, ghosts have names too you know."

This unsettled Jona even more, what kind of act was she trying to play? "Ok, um, Maya…we're just here to bring this crate to someone. We aren't trying to cause trouble…" he trailed off.

Hearing this response, Maya's eyes lit up like individual stars and her mouth broke into a wide smile. Then, to Jona and Connie's horror, the ghost girl disappeared and the room was suddenly pitch black again. Neither of them moved a muscle, afraid of their new "friend" reappearing.

"Psst," a whisper purred in Jona's ear as a small light bulb lit up the room dimly. Connie squirmed out of his grip and gawked at the now visibly nontransparent girl in front of them. "Did I scare you again?" she mocked through giggles.

The girl standing before them was strikingly beautiful, with brownish blond hair and blue eyes. She wore the standard scout uniform but seemed to flaunt it with a certain elegance.

"What the actual fuck!?" Connie burst out as he poked her arm. "Why can I actually feel your skin now, I thought you were a ghost? And since when was that light there?!"

"I am able to do this as long as I'm in this room, which is why I need your help," Maya responded with a sad smile. "You see, I can't actually leave without a human's grip…"

Jona sighed, why did this have to happen to him? Dealing with Sasha already put his patience on edge, now there was a ghost girl asking for his help. Was he insane or something? "Alright well, we can help you but…let us bring this crate to its destination first," he decided.

Maya's smile faded quickly, replaced with a far off look. "I see, and you don't think your superiors have tried that on me already? I know damn well that once you leave…you won't come back."

For some weird reason, Jona couldn't help but feel sorry for Maya. She obviously didn't want to be here, and he truly wanted to help her. He lost track of time during their little situation, so he had no clue how long they'd been down here. None of the others had bothered to come look for them, so he assumed that not much had gone by. Sasha stressed the schedule, the heist having to take place in the wee hours of the morning before anyone woke. If the timing was off, it ran the risk of alerting the "enemy," as she deemed them. If Connie and him were going to help her, they would need to work fast.

"Listen, we want to help you, but, we're on a tight schedule. We need to get this cargo upstairs as fast as we can, I promise you we will come back immediately after," Jona settled on.

"We are?!" Connie protested, but was instantly shot down by an elbow to the ribs.

Maya sighed softly, her frown lifting slightly. She nodded after a moments pause, then faded into the dusty air. The light bulb flickered out soon after, and their flashlight followed by clicking on. The room felt empty and barren again, unlike the strange lively aura it gave off when Maya was visible. Connie, in slight panic, began dragging the mysterious crate towards the steps, making as much noise as he possibly could.

"You idiot!" Jona hissed within a whisper. "We can't make any noise!"

"Then hurry up and help me!" Connie whispered sharply in response. "I want out of here, I don't care about your little crush on that ghost!"

Jona blushed slightly, but almost immediately returned to his stoic expression, the job was still in progress. Using the same tactic as before, the two were able to lift the crate and slowly walk it up the creaky staircase. When they reached the top, Jona gave one last look into the darkness of the basement, followed by a sigh escaping his lips. "Alright," he said. "Let's see what all the fuss was for over this crate."

The two made their way back to the dining hall, putting great caution into their footsteps. Enough racket was already made down in the basement, no more was necessary. The crate was balanced between the two to assure that whatever was inside wouldn't tumble around haphazardly. Other than the slight _bump_ inside that cargo every few seconds, their environment was completely silent. The lone candle in the hallway casted oddly shaped shadows on the walls it illuminated, and the darkness around the dome of light seemed to hug it tightly. The only other light in the entire headquarters was the candles that Sasha lit inside the dining hall for the purpose of planning out the heist. When the pair rounded the corridor to living room, they silently alerted Mikasa of their presence with a hand wave. She nodded, then proceeded to relay the message to Eren, who sat at the corner of the dining hall entrance. They swiveled past the titan-shifter and finally marched their way into Sasha's lair.

When the devil girl herself spotted the pair, her eyes sparkled with a burning insanity. The final step was complete and the anticipating wait was finally over. She kept watch from the corner of her eye for months on what traveled down those creaky basement steps, and this crate was by far the most unexpected. Although the contents were rather out of place at the headquarters, they were absolutely perfect for such a high risk task.

Connie fiddled with the wooden lid of the crate for a few moments before it finally slid off. The shine of the Military Police rifles inside sent an astonished bomb to the pit of his stomach, and gave him ample reason to believe that Sasha was venturing towards murder. There were about 5 from what he could see, and each appeared to be in brand new condition. The metallic bodies gleamed in the candle light to reveal not a single blemish, as did the polished wood stock and grip. Along with the weapons, the bottom of the crate was littered with small boxes of ammunition. Connie gawked at the sight, hesitant to grasp one within his callused hands. His thoughts were swirling with questions, but were ruptured by Jona's surprisingly booming voice.

"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DO WE NEED THESE FOR SASHA BRAUS! HUH?!" the fed up boy bellowed.

"SHHH!" Sasha hissed, a disdained look on her face. "Do you want to wake the whole damn headquarters?! This is for precautionary reasons only, intimidation incase someone is in the wrong place at the wrong time!"

"A kitchen knife is intimidating enough!" Jona whispered back argumentatively. "We don't need these, how the hell did you even know they were down there!"

"You'd be surprised how nonchalant Levi and Hange are when they move things down there, I spotted these puppies easily," she mused. "We are using them and that's final, and you'll be one of the 5 to hold one.

Jona sighed in defeat, there was no getting through to Sasha. The plan was progressing too far to change now, and time was of the essence. Only in a few scarce hours would the Captain rise from his uninterrupted slumber. They needed to be back in their dorms within that time with no trace of evidence that they'd ever left, unless they wished to clean the headquarters until their fingers pruned.

On top of that mess, he still had Maya to deal with didn't he? A promise is a promise, he knew that better than anyone at this stage of his life. Leaving her down there to rot, despite the fact that she wasn't actually alive, was not something he was raised to do. His mind wanted to call him moonstruck, but he knew deep down that he was only doing what was right. His thoughts were jolted back to reality at the sudden rise of the others. He felt the cold grip of the rifle curl around his fingers, the metal feeling as if it were sitting in a freezer for years.

"Do you hear that gang?" Sasha dramatically cupped her ear towards the kitchen door, her mouth open in a wild grin. "I hear food…lonely food! Food that is meant to be consumed by none other than me! You all are here because you endured through this tragic catastrophe, but we will rise to the top my friends, I promise you!"

Rifle in hand, Jona trailed behind Braus as she marched to the kitchen doors. Connie, Eren and Jean were given the other 3 weapons and followed close behind. Armin and Mikasa skulked up the rear. When they reached the door, Sasha raised her leg and kicked it open with as much determination as she could muster.

_It flung open with a bang, revealing their long awaited destination. The Great Kitchen Heist…was about to commence!_

"_I'm…thirsty," Krista gargled as she slid out from under her covers. Her socks shuffled over the wooden floor as she felt for the door handle. The door swung open slowly, the girl in her nightgown following lazily after. She made an abrupt left and stumbled along down the hallway to the kitchen, where the crazed 7 would decide her fate._

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><p><em>Had to leave it off with a cliff hanger haha. I won't make any promises this time but I will try my best to make the (possibly) final chapter. Anyways, reviews are always appreciated!<em>

_~ UnlimitedHeart _


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